Hi everyone. It seems that the same questions keep popping up in the emails I receive, so in the interest of saving time, I'll answer them here:

from 05/23/08 Guardian.co.uk:

YOU SING FUNNY SONGS FOR A LIVING. IF FORCED TO CHOOSE, DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A COMEDIAN OR A MUSICIAN?
Not unlike a member of the transgender community, I am a musician trapped in the body of a comedian. Someday I hope to have career re-assignment surgery. To the public, I'm a comedian who sings. Let's face it, they pay good money to see my shows and couldn't care less about what kind of guitar I play or how many octaves my range is or if a song is in drop-d tuning, they just want to laugh. Like a penis, this is both a blessing and a curse.

WHAT'S THE PERFECT COMIC SONG?
A Little Priest from Sweeney Todd by Stephen Sondheim. Clever, tuneful, musically challenging, smart, dramatic, grand, catchy, sly, and very funny. Someday I hope to write one this good.


ARE ANY SUBJECTS OFF-LIMITS FOR YOU?
Yes, but I couldn't give you details. I don't have a page in my notebook listing "topics too awful or sensitive or offensive to sing about". It's a murky area, whether it is "appropriate" to make jokes about certain subject matter. I guess I just go by feeling. My intention is never to shock audiences, or to offend, it's to make people laugh. Sometimes they get shocked or offended in the process. I say fuck those people.


YOU'RE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON A SHORT UK TOUR. DO YOU ENJOY LIFE ON THE ROAD?
Here's what I love about touring: seeing the world, meeting new people, room service, clean sheets every day, and pay-per-view movies. Here's what I hate about touring: airport hangovers, meeting new people, room service, layovers, being away from my wife and dogs, paternity suits, inevitable weight-gain.


YOU RECENTLY PLAYED THE TITLE ROLE OF "THE WEDDING SINGER" ON STAGE. HAS THAT HAD ANY KIND OF EFFECT ON YOUR SOLO SHOWS?
I am much more appreciative of the fact that I can do and say exactly what I feel night after night. If I want to change the lyrics to a song, I can. If I don't feel like leaving the stage, I can do a three-hour show. The Wedding Singer was an incredible amount of fun, and an experience I would never take back, but the monotony of the same lines and the same songs eight times a week made me want to put a bullet in my head.


DO YOU GO ON STAGE WITH A PRECISE SET LIST, OR JUST CHOOSE THE ORDER OF SONGS ON THE NIGHT?
At the beginning of a tour, I go out on stage with just a cursory notion of what songs I'd like to do, usually an even mix of old favourites and new songs that haven't been tested out yet. As the tour progresses, banter and non-song bits are added. I'll improvise 10 lines in a night and the ones that get laughs become part of every show. By the end of a tour, it's a little less extemporaneous, a little more scripted. That's when I add the Lionel Ritchie cover songs.


EVERY NOW AND THEN SOMEONE CALLS COMEDY "THE NEW ROCK AND ROLL." WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Total bullshit. Have you seen the groupies we get?

original FAQs..

1. WHAT KIND OF GUITAR DO YOU PLAY?
I play the nimbus 3000. It’s made by SweetWizard Guitar Company of London. It has great action, a beautiful body and helped me win the All-Castle Quidditch Tournament last year! Also a Gibson J-45.

2. WHEN ARE YOU RELEASING YOUR NEXT CD/DVD?
I will be releasing an album of Lionel Richie cover songs in August 2008. So far I have recorded “Penny Lover,” “Hello” and “Dancin’ on the Ceiling.” I find that Nel and I share a love of lilting melodies and insightful lyrics, which makes me the perfect guy to honor “Sir Richie” with this tribute. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my head modeled out of clay.

3. WHEN ARE YOU PLAYING (YOUR CITY HERE)?
My web site lists all my scheduled appearances to date.

4. CAN YOU PLAY AT MY COLLEGE?
Can I? Yes. Will I? I don 't know, it's not up to me. If you want me to play at your school, contact your student activities board (or whatever organization books acts on campus) and tell them!

5. WILL YOU EVER PERFORM AT MY WEDDING / HOMECOMING DANCE / PROM?
Uh… no.

6. WHERE CAN I GET YOUR FIRST CD, "HALF A MAN?"
You probably can't. Only a thousand were pressed and those sold out in a matter of days. OK, a couple of years. But don't worry, it sucked anyway and all 5 songs were rerecorded for "A Little Bit Special."

7. CAN I GET INTO YOUR CLUB SHOWS IF I'M UNDER 21 (OR 18)?
It all depends on the venue. The easiest way to find out is to call the club itself. Or get a fake ID. The same goes with College and University shows. Some are open to the public, some aren't. If I have that information, I'll post it. Otherwise, try contacting someone on the Student Activities Committee at the school.

8. DO YOU REALLY ONLY HAVE ONE NUT?
No I have the standard two testicles. And I will be happy to rest them on your chin.

9. HOW CAN I FIND YOUR SONG "DEAD PUPPIES" / "GAY ESKIMO" / "DING, FRIES ARE DONE"?
Not my songs. Those were all penned by a fellow humorsician named Ramadan N. Cornish. His albums are very rare and hard to find, but if you look hard enough you might find one on ebay. He unfortunately passed away in 1998 after choking on a Lean Pocket.

11. DO YOU REALLY READ YOUR E-MAILS?
As my profession takes me on the road a lot, I don’t often have time to respond to all my emails. There are weeks when I receive tens of them, sometimes eleven or twelve! You can see how this can be quite overwhelming. I do try to read them all though, including myspace messages.

12 CAN I GET A COPY OF YOUR COMEDY CENTRAL SPECIAL?
If you have one of them new-fangled vcr machines, you can tape it next time it’s on. I’ll be recording a new special at the end of this year (2007).

13. DO YOU HAVE GUITAR TABS, CHORDS, OR SHEET MUSIC?
No. I am far too protective of my material to provide others with tabs. Plus, I don’t know how to do it.